I recently gave my Bible away to a man who craved the words inside. This isn't sad to me. However, I must admit, it was hard to part with the underlinings and scrawling in the margins from the last couple years of discovering deeper truths, being brought to my knees by words that became real to me, promises that brought me comfort in times I was afraid, things that inspired me... it does bring a smile to my face though, when I think about the old native man out there who has a teenage girls bible, with quizzes like "Are you a diva, dream date, or doormat?" smack dab in the center =)
I have a new Bible. And with this new Bible has come a new perspective on the way I read. Before, I wanted to be able to get through the whole Bible. I underlined the things that stood out to me, but I blazed on through.
With this new bible, it's brought a slowing down and an appreciating of the words that God wants to share and the things he wants to reveal through his love story to me. I find that by casting away the notion of "just getting through it" and taking time to meditate and chew on it, there is SO MUCH MORE to be found... I've spent three days in Psalm 19 and 20, and it's been so cool. Psalms 20 actually is a special passage for me, as four people gave it to me separately during my time in Haiti. However, God is revealing different things to me through it even now! SO good.
When you take that extra time to be saturated in the words of love and wisdom written FOR YOU, you just find yourself in a place of amazement, and it's like getting a big warm God hug. I love that.
Another thing that has been persistently on my heart is belonging. I have spent my whole life striving to find a place that 'feels right'. It's almost as if I'm waiting for some magic bells to chime and a big booming voice to say "JESSICA, YOU ARE MEANT TO BE HERE!" Now, I've had this feeling in fleeting moments, but never felt like there was one place perfect for me. On every group of friends I have ever been apart of, I have always felt like an outcast, set apart for some reason. This bothered me for so long, and some days it still does when I see people who are so made for what they do.
But why am I searching for belonging? I don't belong to this world! I will not spend eternity praising God from here. Perhaps the very thing I am called to do is to be a willing servant, and let God use me, and that will be enough. No magic chimes, just blessed assurance!
There is so much more on my heart. God is just getting to me. I'm so excited!
1 comment:
Jessica, your next-to-last paragraph about belonging resonated with me. It describes me and drags me back to the place and time when I was your age. I think if I keep reading your blogs, I'm going to learn stuff, which caught me off guard. Which means that I should thank you. So...thank you.
Post a Comment