impossible love.

have you ever thought to comprehend
the impossbility of God's love...
to attempt to breach the narrowness of the human mind
to grasp just how God can love you
when
you
are
you.

And grasping this concept to me
is like trying to untie the strands of my brain
and lasso the moon,
because its so unfeasible, that someone could ever love
someone
like
me.

Someone who has seen the things I have done.
Who has had read every thought on my heart,
where I hide the my secrets and guilt.
Someone who see's my shame,
and is not repulsed,
but who pursues me and the reciprocation of my love
that
much
harder.

You see, anyone else who knew me,
and I'm not talking the color of my eyes,
or my opinion of the current weather,
but really KNOWS me,
every thought, every hair on my head, every thing..
should never be able to love me.
Not after
all
I've
done.

It's inconcievable, that such love can exist,
a love that keeps no record of wrongs,
that loves in all circumstance,
that forgives instantly,
that perserveres always,
that would
die
for
you.

But He is that love.
That impossible, unthinkable, unfathomable love.
And everything about myself that I am ashamed of,
His blood has turned to beauty.
He has perfected every weakness.

His love is impossible,
but amazing...
and I can only aspire to be an outlet of His love,
to accept peoples flaws and weakness,
to kiss the faces of the diseased and dirty,
because my narrow mind cannot comprehend that love,
but I want it,
to have and to give...

impossible, love.

cold eyes of the past

A shred of the past reflects in your eyes,
a gaze I cannot meet.
I'm afraid of what I'd remember,
and I'm scared of what I'd see.

I'll wish away a glance
and I'll pray to never know
what lies behind those past-stained eyes,
what hides in their shadow.

Because just a fleeting glance
brings every moment flooding back,
and when it does, the eyes I knew
dull into empty black.

I'll never look into the past again,
nor dare to catch your gaze
I'm holding to the memories
of warmer eyes from older days.

take my hand.

I was crying out to You,
how could I do this on my own,
the obstacles rose high above my head
I was blinded by my doubt,
went and forgot all about
the words to me that You always said

"Take My hand, and do not fear
what I have planned
for I'll be here, just follow Me,
I'll provide you everything
...just take My hand"

So I took Your hand halfheartedly
but never gave You all of me
My fragile mind just couldn't comprehend
that You were bigger than I knew
and should have surrendered all to You,
my almighty God and my best friend

So I will take Your hand,
forI believe in what You've planned,
I know You're here to guide my feet,
and provide me with all I need,
....I'll take Your hand.

No box can confine you,
no dictionary can define you
You're bigger than any box or page
and of all the things You see
You still choose to love on me
may my life be an offering of praise.

No, I never understood
why You'd choose to be so good
But I'll take your hand and let you lead my way
I'm not holding back my heart
I finally see how big You are
I'm so thankful for the words that You still say

"Take my hand, and do not fear
what I have planned
for I'll be here, just follow me
and I'll take care of everything
...just take my hand."

my kid brother.

I never fully appreciated what it was like to have a brother until I grew up. I didn't capitalize on this valuable resource until I had wasted so many years, and now I hardly ever get to see him. It feels like I am missing a sizable chunk of my heart.

There are some things that a brother just makes better. Your favorite TV show, for instance, is never fully enjoyable unless you have someone to share it with, and most importantly that someone is your awesome younger, allbeit taller brother. A terrible job? Its not something you can endure alone. There has to be someone to whine to about whatever ridiculous goings-on is going on. You cannot plot evil schemes of destruction and the *awful* massacre of the evil owner alone sufficiently. A hug is always a wonderful thing, but its somehow all the more great when the person you are hugging is someone you would do anything for. Heartbreak isn't even worth going through if you don't have someone around to cheer you up, someone who will threaten to defend your honor and beat the crap out of the sucker who hurt you, and even though you consider the idea, you will eventually just decide to take a walk. And then you will be cheered up by this special someones views on house reproduction and discovery of the underground coke factory.

Now trips to WalMart seem dull in comparison, and aimless drives to nowhere warrant no satisfaction. I miss having someone to go home to talk to, and to steal awesome music from. I miss hearing about his day and everything thats going on with him.

I miss my brother. I wish he knew how amazing and talented I think he is, and that every day I am so thankful that I can say "Derek Friesen? Yeah... He's MY kid brother". Because I know everyone else is just so jealous that they cannot say the same. Maybe someday I can show him just how highly I think of him, because he is the coolest guy in the world.
I'm lucky to be his big sister.