There's nothing left
but to praise You...

There wasn't anything left before,
but I wept
and though I kept you at arms length
You counted my tears, and You were near.
They mattered to You.

And now there's nothing left but to praise You
because Your faithfulness far outstrips my questioning.
Your faithfulness is eternal, while my doubting and pain is temporary.

Let me come unhinged in Your presence,
to fully, completely, wholly lay it all before You.

There's nothing left but to praise You.

Just one glance out the window and I am pulled in - the beauty of this season has me enchanted. It sends me running out the door, laughing and twirling as the leaves acknowledge my spirited dance and join in, a red and golden fiery serenade of color, leaping on the winds to swirl around me. Oh, how well the autumn disguises it's subtle announcement that cold is coming by distracting us with her prettiness.

And soon, I'm not dancing anymore.

Instead, I am standing alone in the elements, as naked as the trees around me that long ago shed their leaves. Like bare bones exposed, lifeless and skeletal. Do the trees try as desperately as I to cling to their leaves, to hold to that which must be shed, knowing that it only marks the end of a season, and the beginning of a season where they must stand to face the storm. Naked and stripped, weathered and torn. Waiting. Waiting, Waiting to be made new.

Oh Autumn, I have never understood you as I do in this moment.

The days blur together
accelerating to a depth that I've never known.
This deep dark rock bottom,
where jagged fears pierce to these bones,
It's been home

and I've built this nightmare,
resided in pain,
a windowless, relentless portrait of shame
I collected
and I'm so far gone

So come at these walls with your jackhammers
come at my heart with bare hands,
but if I can't feel a pneumatic chisel
what chance do you have

The days never end,
am I sleeping or dreaming or waking
I'm trapped in a place
where the clock faces seem to be breaking
and it's been too long

and I've built my prison
out of minute hand bars
that counted down the memories
that left all these scars
and I'm too far gone

So come at these walls with grenades and explosions
come at my heart with bare hands
but if I'm numb to nuclear warfare
what chance to you have

It doesn't matter if the sun
rises tomorrow
It doesn't matter if night never comes
But I've never felt this low,
and I've never been one to succomb
but I'm done

and I don't care what method you try
when you come at these walls,
if you touch or you pry
I'm not too far
no I'm not too far
I'm not too far

for You to hold on