haiti, one year later.

It took a 7.0 earthquake 35 seconds to ravage Haiti, to tumble homes and shatter bones, to devastate families and claim lives. It has taken an entire year to put a small dent in healing even a fraction of the devastation that the earthquake left behind.

My thoughts today were far away, in a breathtaking country filled with beautiful people. Still, through all the earthquake took, it could not rob Haiti of its beauty, its resilience... of its faith. The land still sprawls out in vibrant greens contrasting the brokenness of the rubble. The buildings left standing still hold the same charm that they did before. The people's beautiful faces, whether stained with tears or graced with smiles, still are captivating in their beauty. Yes, Haiti is a broken nation, but it is beautiful even still.

In the weeks leading up to the earthquake, I became filled with despair. I focused entirely too much on 'earthquake' and forgot to focus on the GOD within it! With so much news of the agony, sometimes you hear little of the miracles. It was so much easier to be there and be witness to the miracles firsthand that I didn't know how to sit back and spectate as God worked faithful and marvelous plans in Haiti, and in my own life. On one part, I felt like giving up the agony would seperate me entirely and cause me to forget. But then today came.

I didn't know how I would feel today. I do know that I didn't hear a single word my bio or nursing instructor said. I do know that I counted down the seconds until 2:53 pm, which is the time that the earthquake happened Alberta time. And I do know when the moment came, remembering wasn't difficult at all. I remembered the things I saw, and heard, and the feelings I felt, all the things that I had thought had faded away. I remembered insignificant little details about the things I thought during and after the quake, how surreal it all felt.

But I remembered with joy, because I remembered most of all my God, the One who is the same yesterday, today and forever, the same God was with us on January 12. The earth shook, but He didn't. He was our Rock and Firm Foundation, our SOLID GROUND!
As I remembered today, I remembered the little girl who held me all that night. I recalled the taste of the crackers that became our supper, the feel of the kids climbing on my legs, and the chill of the night air. I remembered the hardness of the driveway. And I remembered the singing. The voices that came from women, visibly scared, fearing the worst about their families and homes, that were raised in praise. The purest praise I have ever heard. The most beautiful sound. The one moment in Haiti where language was not a barrier, because I knew who they were singing for.

That day changed my life. The faith of the Haitians changed my life. The kids changed my life.

And through the tragedy, 140 children went to Forever Families across the globe. Through the tragedy, I walked into a room of anxious parents and witnessed the most beautiful thing of all.

It's been a year, and a hard year at that. But it's been a year of Faith, and God's enduring faithfulness. So remember Haiti, and most of all remember that when life went on for you and me... God never forgot Haiti!

Sometimes, it is impossible not to be still and know that You are God. You have this incomprehensible ability to move things in a powerful way, and so often I cease to take notice. So often the opportunity to embrace the stillness passes long before I have allowed You to quiet me with Your love. But in the moments that I stop, and be still, I know. How could I not know that you are God? You have captivated me and I am awestruck at the sheer power of Your hands.

There is a delicate beauty in the way You direct each snowflake to lightly and gracefully fall through the air, and yet a terrifying beauty about it when the wind manipulates it's movements. And yet, even that is not out of Your control. I feel small when the winds tear across the prairies and shake the deep-rooted trees as easily as if they were a stalk of wheat. And yet, even that is not out of Your control. When even the very ground convulsed and moved beneath my feet, even that was not out of Your control. You are full of power and might, and it fills me with the wonder of Your glory! I find myself afraid of it, but amazed.

Of all the things in creation that You move, You remain unshaken. You are unmoved. You alone are my rock and I will put my trust in You. Though winds may tear through my life, I will strive to have roots so deep that my faith is unshaken, because my faith is rooted in an unshaken God!

These are the times I know to be listening for Your whisper, because it always comes after the fire, the earthquake, the wind... the storm.

God? I'm listening...

the journey

Lately, I've been spending time learning from myself, reminding myself of the things that 2010 taught me. I have scoured my journals and even blog posts, and it's been full of gentle reminders that bring me peace of where I am at. I want to share something I wrote last year that really served as a reminder to me today:

"The other day, I was driving home from Lethbridge through some serious fog. It was night, and I could barely see 10 meters in front of me. I did not know when the road curved or dipped, nor if I was even close to the lights of the place I called home.

As I drove, hunched white knuckled over the steering wheel, I began to think... isn't faith so much like driving through fog? At times, there is such a haze around us that we can't see where we are going, and we have to follow blindly. Even though we don't know we are getting any closer, even though we don't feel like we are gaining any ground, we just have to trust that the road we are on is taking us home. That God is still there in the darkness.

And then, maybe sometimes you can't follow blindly, maybe sometimes you need a reason, a something to follow. As I drove along the dark, foggy roads, at the times I was most afraid, I would be passed by one vehicle. Not ten, not five, not two, just one. And then I would follow the car as it curved with the road, much more at ease because someone had drove the road before me. And isn't that what Jesus does for us? When we are fearful and afraid, when we have abandoned hope and lost faith, He is there, in front of us, headlights lighting the way, assuring us that we WILL make it home... that He will lead us there."

For me, moving out this year has been an eye-opener. I love it. What a beautiful stage of life, to be able to share your life with another woman, to struggle together, to encourage each other, to delight in the Lord with each other... Lethbridge has truly become 'home'.

But when I think about it, even this is temporary. I have seen that firsthand, how temporary a home can be, as I saw them crumble down in Haiti. And even this apartment will eventually not be the place I lay my head at night. Time will pass and another season of life will beckon, and I will look back and find that home is somewhere else.

EXCEPT that I don't really belong to this place! Jesus has blessed me with a place to live and surrounded me with people who love me and that I love, but this is not my home. My home is with Him, in a place where once I enter into, I will never ever want to leave. And so, in this foggy season of my life where I wonder whether I am getting any closer, I know that, led by my Father and God, that I am getting closer to home. I will strive to journey with Him and be one with Him, until that day where my earthly home fades and His glory is made known in the place that He has prepared for me.

The other thing that struck me was how complacent and faithless I have become. I read my journal that I kept while in Haiti, and in the midst of the crisis around me, I penned "God is faithful, He provides." 26 times. How then, have I forgotten? Did their agony blind me to His faithfulness? This year I will be glad in knowing that we are in that hands of a God with purpose, that His plans are good, and His love is more enduring and filling than anything I could ever imagine. His ways are truly higher.

Just a closer walk with thee!!!