I was going to write a rant about hugs,
but this guy pretty much says it all...

Bradley Hathaway: The Hug Poem

Through my eyes, I saw a beautiful people thrown into fire.

I cried out to God "Bring them water! Cease their suffering!"

But the fire grew, and so did their pain. Out of this, so did my frustration with my God - my supposedly compassionate Father.

The flames licked the air, claiming more lives, destroying more homes, loosing more control.

"God! Look at your people! Haven't they had enough?! Water!" I prayed.

I didn't understand.
But today, one of those beautiful people made it abundantly clear.
I'm praying for the wrong thing!

Water isn't what they need.
I need to pray for more fire.

That sounds absurd, doesn't it? Asking for more suffering, asking to be tried and brought to your knees in pain, to the very brink of brokenness...

But when you go through the fire, you come out on fire.

I saw that myself... how quickly I forgot the faith they showed amidst my prayers for them that life could be easier. But I have never met a people so desperate for a Savior, so passionate about God.

The fire in their life shows in their eyes... it consumes them and becomes JOY amidst LOSS... a STRENGTH amidst WEAK... it brings a depth to their relationship with our God that we should want to attain.

God, I pray for fire in my own life.
I pray that I would lose everything if it means being driven to my knees to seek you.
I pray that I would gain EVERYTHING in the cross.

Father... thank you for the perfect reminder, out of the mouth of your beautiful child, of someone you knew I would listen to... thank you

If I keep my eyes on you,
my Prize,
nothing will ever loose me from your clutch
and I will finish the race knowing
that nothing they did could stop me
from knowing you,
seeing the love in your eyes and wanting it,
from doing what you called me to
even when it hurt.

If I know that your arms are outstretched,
my Comforter,
then I will run full force into them.
When this hurt drives me to my knees
I know you'll be catching my tears
and crying with me.

If I know you stand before me,
my Conqueror
I can lay all these things at your feet
This hurt, pain, loneliness, shame, brokenness
and find rest.
The pain that is mine,
and the pain that I carry for others,
I lay it down.

Lock your gaze with mine,
so I can see the blazing love in your eyes
and be carried through.

What kind of world is this,
when the poor only get poorer?
When those who have already been so broken
are tried and tried again?

What kind of world is it when we stand by and watch?

God, break me instead,
show me pain,
the reality of being without a home,
the reality of being raped in front of an entire tent city
the reality of facing disease
and dying after surviving so much.

God, take me out of my comfort zone,
and if I can't get there...
help me understand...

(God led me to this verse...
yup, he listens...)
read in context of those in a tent city...WOW.


2 Corinthians 5:1-5

Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

I want to be so much more than I am,
I want to love you with so much more of my life.
I want to wake up every morning
not breathing air, but breathing you in.

I'm tired of wasted breaths,
carrying around an empty heart
because letting you break me is too scary.

The fact is, I'm broken already
but not a God-broken.
Just a messed up,
lonely
longing
of the world broken.
Be close to me,
I can't do this life without you
I can't wake up another morning pretending to know your love,
but shoving it off.

I love you,
but can you see it in the way I fall short?

Tonight I break,
in your presence, I will be broken
and I know I will be used for it.

White walls surround me on four sides. There is no way out, nor is there a way in. On the wall behind me, the one I would have to look behind me to see, there is a rough, square shape cut. Covered sloppily with plaster and a hue of white that doesn't match, it glares as a reminder of what once was there. A window.

But, you already knew that. After all, you're the one who looked in one day and saw something inside, something you loved. You knocked on the glass, and I opened it. How curious it was, this air that you breathed in your outside world. It was fresh, and different, and I grew to enjoy the visits at my little window.

You showed me a world beyond my little boxed in walls. You glowed as you told me stories of things you had planned, and I shared in your excitement. Then one day, you reached in the window, and told me you loved me, and I knew I loved you back.

And then, the most remarkable of moments. You asked me to climb out my window, out of my comfortable little room, and into the place you had whispered to me about. I was scared by your offer, but captivated, and so I followed you. I climbed clumsily out my window and stepped into your world.

It was every bit as breathtaking as you had described. As we walked together, I experienced life as I had never known it. There was joy and love abounding, there was sadness and heartbreak to feel, and despite all of our talks at my little window, I was experiencing you closely, wonderfully, for the first time.

After I grew weary, you brought me back to my little room. It seemed so dull in comparison to what I had seen with you. You kissed my forehead, and whispered that you would be back in the morning, and so I slept peacefully.

Morning hasn't come, or perhaps it did, and my agitation shadowed it as it passed. The window, once clear and ready for your visit, now is replaced by the makeshift plaster wall.

I know you're out there, and I know you see me in these walls, fitful, and longing to walk in your world, to see it through your eyes again.

I need you to let me out again.

Here I am at your feet, with knuckles painted white,
all my heart splayed out from the things I've clutched so tight,
While you break me,
will you fill the empty cracks,
I know you're calling me to something bigger,
and I just can't see yet


With blind faith, and unsure feet,
here I fall,
Father, will you carry me?
With a breaking heart, and broken dreams
Father, take me

awakened

It's been a hard week, and I've lost sight of why I'm here, why I'm bothering with this college thing. I allowed my mind to get wrapped up in the work that was still to do, rather than the result that is still to come.

But today - today I was reminded. Hit with a ton of bricks, full-force in the heart as a reminder of my purpose in this time and place.

It was a reminder in the form of a picture. Dark, smooth skin clinging too tightly to the ribs. Big, dark eyes, beautiful even in their sadness. A silent cry for help - and my heart was swept. Swept into the places I've denied it to wander, to the place I know it will break again if I allow my senses to remember.

I never forgot. I could never forget. But I didn't allow myself to feel. And now, knowing that nine months ago my life was changed at the raised hands of Haitian women praising the Lord despite what they lost, despite the uncertainty of not knowing....

I feel again.

Father, thank you for inviting me into Your presence today. To take a step back and find peace in all You are, to have love overtake my heart, and to be consumed by your glory...

In this season of my life,
You shed the colors that my human hands have painted
the glory my meager imagination tainted,
for it wasn't big enough to grasp you,
I stand in awe as your colors burst through,
the unchanging colors of You.

And as the leaves I use to hide my face from you fall away,
I stand naked and bare before you
Longing for you to deepen these roots,
let your living waters flow
Preserve your joy in me as winter comes.