I can fight for this because I know I have you. And I know in you the victory is already won but I tend to feel like I haven't begun when your work is so far from completion. My head knows that you have a purpose, but lately it's just felt so worthless because I have no answers for what that is right now.
And maybe that's the point.
This just feels like the breaking part. And that's okay, because I gave you my heart, and I know if you can get me past the start then and only then I might stand a chance. I long in you to be satisfied, to lay down my flesh and swallow my pride and just stop making these plans that are less than what you have. It's just so hard to let it go, to fall into your depths and in my heart know that I'll come out okay in the end. Surrender. Why is that word so intimidating when everything that you are breaking is taking me that much closer to your throne?
You will fulfill your purpose for me, I read that today and now I see that this desert is part of your perfect plan. I don't know all the hows and whys, but I know you've heard my heart-wrenched cries and in them, you are working something more marvelous than I could comprehend. And it doesn't mean I have to know the outcome, and I'm not even worthy enough to grasp what you are taking me through, I just pray you'd give me enough to get there. Not enough that I'd perceive it as my strength, but just enough to get through the day so I can attribute every step I've taken to your glory. Because that's what this is all about anyways, to through our lives give you praise for your all-encompassing love and unending grace.
You've seen every hope I hold, so Jesus, if I may be so bold, I ask that you'll maybe fulfill those too... And if my hope is set below what you would have, I pray you'd show me the way to relinquish it all to you. I just want to delight in you, to know that what you offer will satisfy me in ways I've never known.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
A meadow grows, with long green grass, and hills rolling as far as the eye can see. Color intersperses amongst the green, a watercolor mix of reds, yellows, and purples. In my mind, nothing could be more lovely. As the sun shines down over the meadow, I dance, but am never fully satisfied. It is a good place, but something is missing.
And then you come along... you see my halfhearted movements and you call to me. You call me by name. I am terrified, for you seem to know me already and I'm not sure I know you. You are like a dream I remember dreaming, but never fully grasped until this moment, where I see you standing before me. You open your palm and extend it to me without saying a word, and I know you want me to come with you. My fear is gone because your eyes are so peaceful, and I feel safe with your hand in mine. And then you lead me.
As we walk hand in hand, I find we have left my lovely meadow, and where I once saw hills, there is only dry, parched land. I stumble over loose pebbles and become weary of the heat, and then I let go of your hand. You patiently wait as I struggle to get back to my feet, but find I cannot. And then I cry out to you, and you offer your hand. You lift me to my feet and wipe the tears from my dust-stained cheeks and the sweat from my soiled brow, and you tell me I am beautiful. I want to believe you, I want to love you. I just can't cling to the peace in your eyes anymore. I miss my meadow, and long for the comforting reverie of the clusters of brightly colored flowers, for the refreshing breeze to mingle with my hair. I yearn for the familiarity, because I know I loved it there. Fresh tears fall, and you catch every single one. You offer me your precious promises, and whisper grace over the places in my heart that don't desire you. And I know I could love you more than anything.
We journey long, and we journey hard. So many times I long to just give up, to stop walking and to just let the desert engulf me, but you spur me on. And one day, the desert scene changes. Where the land was parched and sun-scorched, there are streams, and the streams turn to rivers. The cracked dirt sprouts forth into grass, and trees and flowers dance lightly with the most refreshing of breezes. Every color is more vibrant than I have ever seen, and every detail more intricate than my mind has ever known. I am in love with you, and we dance as you whisper to me that you love me, that I am beautiful, and that I am yours. I rejoice at where you have taken me from, and what you have taken me through, because it has brought me into the most beautiful of places, into the most love I've ever felt, with you.
And then you come along... you see my halfhearted movements and you call to me. You call me by name. I am terrified, for you seem to know me already and I'm not sure I know you. You are like a dream I remember dreaming, but never fully grasped until this moment, where I see you standing before me. You open your palm and extend it to me without saying a word, and I know you want me to come with you. My fear is gone because your eyes are so peaceful, and I feel safe with your hand in mine. And then you lead me.
As we walk hand in hand, I find we have left my lovely meadow, and where I once saw hills, there is only dry, parched land. I stumble over loose pebbles and become weary of the heat, and then I let go of your hand. You patiently wait as I struggle to get back to my feet, but find I cannot. And then I cry out to you, and you offer your hand. You lift me to my feet and wipe the tears from my dust-stained cheeks and the sweat from my soiled brow, and you tell me I am beautiful. I want to believe you, I want to love you. I just can't cling to the peace in your eyes anymore. I miss my meadow, and long for the comforting reverie of the clusters of brightly colored flowers, for the refreshing breeze to mingle with my hair. I yearn for the familiarity, because I know I loved it there. Fresh tears fall, and you catch every single one. You offer me your precious promises, and whisper grace over the places in my heart that don't desire you. And I know I could love you more than anything.
We journey long, and we journey hard. So many times I long to just give up, to stop walking and to just let the desert engulf me, but you spur me on. And one day, the desert scene changes. Where the land was parched and sun-scorched, there are streams, and the streams turn to rivers. The cracked dirt sprouts forth into grass, and trees and flowers dance lightly with the most refreshing of breezes. Every color is more vibrant than I have ever seen, and every detail more intricate than my mind has ever known. I am in love with you, and we dance as you whisper to me that you love me, that I am beautiful, and that I am yours. I rejoice at where you have taken me from, and what you have taken me through, because it has brought me into the most beautiful of places, into the most love I've ever felt, with you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)