red kite freedom

took to the sky on a cloud speckled canvas,
tampered with flight on bright red wings,
touched the moon, and kissed the stars,

traced the horizon, circled mars,

loftily tickled by the breath of heaven

but who can claim freedom,

when it's attached to a string,

it's hard to spread those bright red wings

to find that they're fixed onto something

so dream, dream, dream away

you'll never fly, fly, fly, away.

battered wings torn by the wind,

fighting the shackles at your feet

the tattered red, a broken heart,

the empty sky, a broken shard

a wisp of memory of heaven

cause who can find freedom

when it's attached to a string

it's hard to spread those bright red wings,

to find that they're fixed onto something

so dream, dream, dream away

you'll never fly, fly, fly anyway

that bright red outline in the sky,

always reminds me why

somedays i forget to dream

in pursuit of His heart

From the moment time began, you were on my heels.

You waited for me to position myself in the starting blocks,
and with the crack of the gun, off I went with you close behind.
The longer we ran, the more tired I grew,
but I saw determination in your eyes,
and so I kept running from you.

Miles of path escaped from under our feet as we pushed on,
passing mountains and hills, trees with green and gold flecks,
and the sun rose, and the sun set,
and I couldn’t run far enough away,
because you kept running after me.

Water didn’t quench my thirst,
not for long anyways.
Exhaustion overcame my body,
and the thirst grew too much,
so one day, on the upward slope,

I stopped running.

I threw up my hands,
and turned to face you,
to really look at you for the first time
and breathing heavily, rasped “You win.”

You stopped, and you did not gloat about your victory.
You sat me down and gave me water from your canteen.
water refreshing and cool as it slid over my tongue,
water that quenched the burning in my throat.
water that didn’t leave me thirsty.

You fight for my heart,
and you fight valiantly.
There are times you win,
and times you lose,
never because you aren’t prepared to do
anything it takes to win this heart of mine,
but because of me.
Because sometimes I still run.

You gave me a gift.
But how could I accept what I could never repay?
You’re so good.

I choose to pursue you, the way you pursue me.
To seek to know your heart,
to long for your wisdom and mercy
and to know your power.
I pray you would conquer my unbelief,
strengthen me in my weakness,
and use me to extend your kingdom.

You pursued me then,
you pursue me still,
and you will keep pursuing me,
and now I’m going to pursue you
with everything I have
to know Your heart like You know mine.
I know I'll never fully understand Your love
or comprehend Your goodness
because You are full of mysteries, and wonder
but I'm coming after Your heart, full tilt.

It's time for a new beginning,
a bigger step,
so I'll meet you on those starting blocks :)

6 days :)

A Night in the Life of a Haitian...When I started this fundraiser, I was beyond excited. It would be a way for people to connect themselves to Haiti, instead of blindly giving money without knowing what it was accomplishing, or how great the need. Yes, God put it on my heart to make this happen.

It's happening... in one weeks time, there will be tents pitched and stories shared! And this is exciting...

This whole experience has been humbling for me... I guess, when I initially started out, I pictured this fundraiser going city-wide. I hoped for a huge response. But God set up obstacles along the way. We couldn't advertise the way JESSICA wanted. We couldn't reach as many people as JESSICA wanted. People I had depended on to be there, won't be. People I wanted to match my passion, didn't. And along the way, I let it become about me.

In one week, there might be five of us tenting. There might be fifteen. There might be fifty. I don't really know who God will touch to be there.

But God... this isn't about me, and I'm sorry for imposing my expectations on Your plan. Use this for YOUR glory, to express love in abundance to YOUR people, and to change the lives of people here in YOUR name. There would be no hope in Haiti without You, and I pray that no matter how big or how small the number of attenders may be, no matter how much the money totals out to, no matter the mishaps along the way, that YOUR WILL BE DONE. No matter the result, I will have accomplished this in Your power, not my own. Thank you for giving me opportunities to share your childrens cry, and thank you for opening my eyes to indescribable faith... I love you. Amen!

A Letter to My Demons

To Regret,
You just love sneaking up on me, don't you? You'll take any form you can... be it stinging words from a former friend, or a bottle of mistakes to drink down and dwell on as they churn inside of me. And words sting, and the mistakes churn, and I fall right into your arms. That's just the way you want it. You force me to the precipice of my conciousness where I cling only to the past, binding myself to my mistakes. You revere the places I stumble, you are captivated by my failure, and you crouch in waiting for me to fall, and to fail, and then you pounce. I buried Shame so many times, but you never let me forget. You ALWAYS know where to jab.
Regret, I am pleased to inform you that I am severing our ties, because my mistakes aren't stacked against me anymore.

To Bitterness,
We've been hurt, haven't we? We've been done wrong so many times that we are justified to sit in the puddle of our pain and wrap ourselves in our confusion and let you fester. I've held you close too many times to count, because you get it. You know what it's like to be used. You know what it's like to feel not good enough. And you know how to use these feelings to hold a heck of a grudge! You have a fierce unforgiveness about you, and you don't hesitate to comfort me when I've been let down.
Bitterness, I am pleased to inform you that I am severing our ties, because forgiveness is so much more satisfying than a grudge held.

To Loneliness,
I don't understand how this friendship works; how we can have each other and still feel this aching. You show me I am isolated, and maybe you're right. But what if you're wrong? These walls you've been working tirelessly to build around my heart are strong, but they are not impenetrable, and quite frankly I think you are selfish to think you can have me to yourself! I've poured into you the things that inspire me, and excite me, and scare me, but you've given me back nothing but the idea that I'm in this alone.
Loneliness, I am pleased to inform you that I am severing our ties, because where I walk there will always be two sets of footprints.

To Sin,
You are the cleverest of them all. You barge in as Temptation, disguised so well that at first glance I'd never know it was you. You're appealing in every sense, enthusiastic about your "fun". But the thing is, Sin, after our "fun", I'm always invited to a party with all your other friends. Regret, Guilt, Shame... I don't even like them! Suffice to say that as much fun as you are in the moment, the consequences of befriending you are so horrid that I am left to wonder why I even bother. Sin, the next time you come knocking at my door in a new disguise and up to your old tricks, don't count on me opening the door. We might rendezvous as we cross paths, but I assure you my heart will never be yours.
See, I met someone else. And there's no tricks with Him! No disguises! He's the same yesterday, today, and forever. He also has a much more pleasant group of friends, maybe if you are interested in pursuing our relationship so badly, you should take notes on the way Joy, Freedom, and Love treat me! And Sin, He's so much more than a "fling". He actually loves me!
Sin, I am pleased to inform you that I will never be your slave again, because I am becoming a slave for righeteousness, and somehow I just don't see you fitting in that.
Please don't write!

Sincerely,
a daughter of the King.