questions without answers

There's nothing wrong with crying out to God in anguish,
because sometimes you know the answer
but you don't understand.

And sometimes there are no answers
and there is only silence
and you wonder whether God is listening at all.

There's nothing wrong with crying to God in pain,
for the things that break your heart break His too,
and sometimes He has the answer
you just aren't listening for it.
You don't want to hear it.

I've looked for answers, I've questioned God,
not because I don't trust He has a plan, but because sometimes I'm just not content with knowing. I want to understand. And tonight is one of those nights where I can't find the answers and I don't understand.

There are answers.
Not the ones we want to hear,
not the ones we understand
but answers.

Tonight, I am restless. Tonight, my heart is heavy. Tonight, my tears fall freely and unceasingly. And tonight, I want to understand. Tonight, I want the freedom to ask why.

Why do I have a roof over my head while countless millions are sleeping under sheets? Why do I get to take a shower in the morning behind a curtain, while millions must bathe in the streets in front of each other? Why is my family safe in their beds while so many have lost theirs in the most tragic of ways? Why don't I have to worry about my three meals a day when they struggle to have just one? Why was I born into a life of opportunity while they work their whole lives towards what I have taken for granted? Why do I have so much when they have so little?

And why, why is it that I am the one crying for them, while they praise God unashamed? How is it that they lift their voices to the Heavens and don't ask questions, they just believe!?

I have less understanding than I do knowledge. I have more questions than I have answers. And I have a bigger God than any of that. But tonight, I will cry and I will pray that one day, I might have faith like the Haitians do.

If the Strings Stay Silent

I use to hear the strain of the violin,
every woeful note dragged from somewhere deep within
and I'd wonder if any sound could be so sad
until I heard you cry from your knees and hands

And you sing, Alleluia to God
You cry out, I hurt so much
and your arms are raised though your heart is downcast
And it's beautiful
so beautiful

I use to see the vibrant colors blend in tune
Each joyful note echoing the heart in you
and I'd wonder if the violin could ever compete
With the love you bring with your hands and feet

Because you sing, Alleluia to the King
You cry out, I hurt but I'm holding back nothing
and your arms are raised though your heart is downcast
And it's beautiful
It's the most beautiful of things

Each string would break if they saw whats left,
every blood streaked tear and ragged breath
but somehow a melody would still ring out
by your faith that stands without fear or doubt

You sing, You sing
Alleluia to your Father
You cry out, I'm broken but You're wholing me
and your arms are raised though your heart is downcast
and its beautiful
it's so beautiful

I'll never hear the violins the same
without picturing you praising His almighty name
If the strings are left untouched, I'll still hear so much
in your prayers, in your voice, in your singing

You sing Alleluia to our King
You sing Alleluia, Alleluia
You sing, Alleluia, praise His name
thought your heart is downcast
your unashamed voice raised acapella
will last

a dream is too far away.

I couldn't keep you from the harsh winds if I wanted to,
couldn't stop the rain from falling if I was holding you
but I wish I could
and I dream of you
always

I couldn't make the buildings stand quite like they did before,
couldn't shelter you from the ground as it shook the floor
but I want to
and I dream of you
always

I see your face when I close my eyes
feel your heart beating next to mine
and for a moment I can almost feel
your arms tightening around me
but it's always just a dream

I was stuck in a moment seeming laughter-less
and as the sun was rising chasing after us
I saw your smile
and I still dream of you

I was wondering how life could ever be the same
but then I heard you softly calling out my name
I heard your voice
and I still dream of you

I see your face when I close my eyes
feel your heart beat next to mine
And for a moment I can almost feel
your arms tightening 'round me...
but it's always just a dream.

I never want to wake up,
because I hold you in my dreams
so I beg the moon to stay
and I banish the sun beams
because you're all I think about
and its hard to do without
your smile, laugh and kisses
its everything I'm missing...

For a minute, I think I feel
your arms tightning 'round me
but it's always just a dream

forget you not

I wrote my name into the dust,
and watched it blow away
into the leaves of the attalea trees
and the blue skies clouded grey
One whisper in the wind and then
it was never heard again

I wrote my name into the sand
and watched it wash away
into the blue of the ocean tide,
consumed by the roaring wake
One crash against the rocks and then
it was never heard again

I won't leave a forget-me-not
because you will, you will,
you know you will
But when the whispers fade
and the tide recedes
I'll be thinking of you still

I wrote my name into a tree
and watched it rot away
into the depths of fertile soil
and time well worn decay
One last time to stand and then
it was never seen again

I wrote my name into the clouds
and watched it all disperse
into the blue sky, vast and wide
hung over all the earth
One last glimpse from below and then
it was never seen again

I won't leave a forget-me-not
because you will, you will
you know you will
But when the tree falls down
and the clouds change shape
I'll be thinking of you still

I won't leave a forget me not,
but I'll be thinking of you still.

another kind of homesick.

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times and at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face, If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow. I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways

The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know

But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same

Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no endSo I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face

If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place

Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick then now.

(mercyme|Homesick)