I don't want you to see me like this,
forced to my knees by your enemy,
as he massages his deceit in my brain,
his fingers oozing with sinful desire,
things that seem, at first glance, so good
but yet so godless,
and therefore, not good at all.


And I was enticed and enchanted again,
I heard you calling my name in desperation,
but I did not listen.


And now, here I am,
naked, and shamed
too afraid to confess,
too broken not to cry
knowing this time,
you could not possibly look upon me in love.


Not because your love can be exhausted,
for I would have depleted my share long ago.
And not because I feel I don't deserve it
because I never did.
But this time, this millionth time
of falling at your feet and weeping,
knowing how badly I hurt you,
I don't know how I can continue to accept your amazing grace
and then abuse it.


Just once, I should be known for who I am,
who I really am,
the girl I'm disgusted with,
the one I try so fiercely to hide,
the one controlled by the same sin.
Just once to be seen for that
and feel the judgment I deserve
the wrath I've incurred
instead of the love that I can never repay.


I long for you,
Iong for these shackles to bind me to you
instead of to this disease of sin.
I long for those moments of passion
to break me free of his wretched claim,
though I AM YOURS,
I find freedom where you are...


but tonight I can't bear for you to look at me.


God, I'm so sorry.