for my haiti friends.

To the ones who get it...
the ones who were there.
The ones whose lives were changed that day.
The ones who watched with me, who were on the outside, but yet in the midst of the pain that wasn't ours, a pain that ensured we would spend our lives loving and learning from those who felt that pain.
To the ones who aren't there anymore, and left to scrounging for news, thirsty to know whats happening, and still trying to process what they saw and felt in their hearts.

Somedays, I'm still not okay. And I know you aren't either. I know that the smell of garlic transports you to the mid-mornings, when lunch is being prepared. I know that sounds of tree frogs take you back to the nights. I know that everytime you hear a rooster, you have to smile, because you think about the confused ones that crow all through the night while you bitterly think about it ending up on your table. Or if you're Tas, you remember, with terror, the fierce rooster attacks, and see the faces of those Haitian men laughing as you shriek and dance and run. I know that you have empty-arm syndrome and that your ears feel hollow because the sounds of the kids laughing isn't echoing there. I know you wish you could look into those big dark eyes and fall in love again.

I know that everytime you look up and see the ceiling fan swinging that you freeze and wonder if the ground is moving. I know you look around wildly, searching for another set of frantic eyes to confirm what you fear, but find nothing. I know that you have nightmares that feel so real, you'd swear you were still there. I know that the littlest amount of movement, on a bed, in a store, anywhere, sends terror coursing through you, that your heart beats faster, and you lose grip of the fact that you are safe, all in just a moment.

I know most of all that everyday you wake up, you want to be there.

Yes, somedays I am still a mess, and the only thing that breaks through is taking to you. Because you were there, you understand without me fumbling to explain. I miss you guys, but I'm also blessed that I got to know you, your hearts... You all shaped me in some way. Thankyou.
ps... on those not-so-good days, I hope you'll call me :)