I want to be changed by the cross,
to be made new in the love offering that poured out of the blood that Jesus shed as He took the penalty that was MY debt owed. I've neglected the gravity of what the cross stands for. I have forgotten and ignored the price that was paid. I have skipped over the anguish and declared the love of the sacrifice without even understanding what it cost.

And I'll never fully know what it cost to see my sin hanging there, nailed to the cross on the arms of my Savior.

Father, open my eyes to be humbled by how HUGELY UNFATHOMABLE your redemption plan was. A plan that didn't make sense, when it meant giving yourself in a place of a people who didn't deserve your love. And you loved anyway. You loved us in such an intense way that our human minds can't even pierce the mystery of it.

The truth is, no matter how hard we attempt to 'get' it, we never will feel the weight of the stones that were hurled, or the hate that spilled out from the shouts of the crowd. We will never feel the sting of flesh ripped from back, or smell our own blood as it spill from where nails are driven into our hands. We are so far from knowing the weight of the cross. This was OUR penalty. This is what I deserved, in my sin and my shame, I deserved the burn for eternity, separated from my Maker because NOTHING I COULD DO could bridge the gap. And yet, with a fierce love that I don't even understand, He gave EVERYTHING to undo the curse. He purchased me back from my prostitution.

Father!! I cry out to you... let this change my heart. How can I live to satisfy myself any longer? How can I live so selfishly, with my pride in the way? Bulldoze me. Strip my comforts away. Wake this heart that is dead in sin... revive me in grace. Overcome me. Humble me. Your sacrifice is too big to ignore, Your love too great to push away. Father... let me never enter into Your courts of praise without acknowledging the sacrifice you gave, so that I may realize how fully I need you.