Do not be afraid.

This commandment is uttered in the bible somewhere around 365 times. When you think about it, that's A LOT of times. 365 repetitions means you could pick up the bible and flip to a different verse every day of the year, and you could still read,

"do not be afraid."

Sounds like such a simple statement hey?

The truth is? I live in fear. I am afraid. Fear has a way of crippling my progress. It hardens my heart against what God will do. It sends me running away from the One who desperately wants to give me a life without fear. And He wants that for you too.

But there's this question that I have to face before I can be transformed:

WHAT am I afraid of?

And I think the honest answer is, I am afraid to face myself. I am terrified to see my human nature exposed for what it is. I am terrified of people knowing how selfish I am, how every thought consciously revolves around myself.

I am afraid because I can't even begin to know how to lay myself down to ask God to come in and bulldoze my world desires to build into me his kingdom ones. I am scared that God has big plans, plans that I am not big enough for. I am terrified because I know once I hand my flesh desires, my selfish ways, my physical AND spiritual body to God, death will come. I am afraid of what will follow.

But I WANT to.

There is this God's Chisel Skit done by the Skit Guys that is phenomenal, and as I was watching this, one of the lines struck me.

The clay says to the potter, "But God, I let you down."
And He says back, "You were never holding me up."

I should be excited, I should be fearless and bold and willing and determined. I should be running to God, an armful of my desires held like dirty laundry and just be relieved to dump them at his feet, begging to let Him use me for something more.

And yet I walk to him, slowly and ashamed. I let go of half my pile, and then fling myself on top of it and sob and ask Him to let me keep it as I insanely try to pull dirty laundry over my head. Because I'm scared. Sin is my security blanket.

I want to live in fear of the Lord, not in fear of what man can do to me if I follow Him wholeheartedly. I want to live in fear of the Lord, and not in fear of the past that has chained me. I want to live in fear of the Lord, not in fear of where the Lord will take me, because HE is big enough for the plans He is creating for me!

I have never asked on this blog for this, but can you, whoever is reading this, pray for me? I want to crucify my flesh. I want to put to death the things in me that aren't lining up with God's heart. I want to break free of this fear, bursting forth from being enslaved by fear to being a slave for righteousness.

365 times you read "Do not fear. Do not be afraid". Way back when God was speaking through the ones who penned His word, he figured that was important enough to be repeated. Not once or twice. 365 times. Why? Because He already knew us. He already knew the fear we live in, and even the fear we foolishly chain ourselves to. He knew we would need to read it THAT many times for the message to sink in, and for it to dawn on us that we need to live without fear. But more than that, that God has OFFERED us a way out of fearful living. What usually comes after "Do not be afraid?"... things like "The Lord your God is with you wherever you go" or "I am with you and will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Truly, what am I afraid of??