Lately, I've been spending time learning from myself, reminding myself of the things that 2010 taught me. I have scoured my journals and even blog posts, and it's been full of gentle reminders that bring me peace of where I am at. I want to share something I wrote last year that really served as a reminder to me today:
"The other day, I was driving home from Lethbridge through some serious fog. It was night, and I could barely see 10 meters in front of me. I did not know when the road curved or dipped, nor if I was even close to the lights of the place I called home.
"The other day, I was driving home from Lethbridge through some serious fog. It was night, and I could barely see 10 meters in front of me. I did not know when the road curved or dipped, nor if I was even close to the lights of the place I called home.
As I drove, hunched white knuckled over the steering wheel, I began to think... isn't faith so much like driving through fog? At times, there is such a haze around us that we can't see where we are going, and we have to follow blindly. Even though we don't know we are getting any closer, even though we don't feel like we are gaining any ground, we just have to trust that the road we are on is taking us home. That God is still there in the darkness.
And then, maybe sometimes you can't follow blindly, maybe sometimes you need a reason, a something to follow. As I drove along the dark, foggy roads, at the times I was most afraid, I would be passed by one vehicle. Not ten, not five, not two, just one. And then I would follow the car as it curved with the road, much more at ease because someone had drove the road before me. And isn't that what Jesus does for us? When we are fearful and afraid, when we have abandoned hope and lost faith, He is there, in front of us, headlights lighting the way, assuring us that we WILL make it home... that He will lead us there."
For me, moving out this year has been an eye-opener. I love it. What a beautiful stage of life, to be able to share your life with another woman, to struggle together, to encourage each other, to delight in the Lord with each other... Lethbridge has truly become 'home'.
But when I think about it, even this is temporary. I have seen that firsthand, how temporary a home can be, as I saw them crumble down in Haiti. And even this apartment will eventually not be the place I lay my head at night. Time will pass and another season of life will beckon, and I will look back and find that home is somewhere else.
EXCEPT that I don't really belong to this place! Jesus has blessed me with a place to live and surrounded me with people who love me and that I love, but this is not my home. My home is with Him, in a place where once I enter into, I will never ever want to leave. And so, in this foggy season of my life where I wonder whether I am getting any closer, I know that, led by my Father and God, that I am getting closer to home. I will strive to journey with Him and be one with Him, until that day where my earthly home fades and His glory is made known in the place that He has prepared for me.
The other thing that struck me was how complacent and faithless I have become. I read my journal that I kept while in Haiti, and in the midst of the crisis around me, I penned "God is faithful, He provides." 26 times. How then, have I forgotten? Did their agony blind me to His faithfulness? This year I will be glad in knowing that we are in that hands of a God with purpose, that His plans are good, and His love is more enduring and filling than anything I could ever imagine. His ways are truly higher.
Just a closer walk with thee!!!
For me, moving out this year has been an eye-opener. I love it. What a beautiful stage of life, to be able to share your life with another woman, to struggle together, to encourage each other, to delight in the Lord with each other... Lethbridge has truly become 'home'.
But when I think about it, even this is temporary. I have seen that firsthand, how temporary a home can be, as I saw them crumble down in Haiti. And even this apartment will eventually not be the place I lay my head at night. Time will pass and another season of life will beckon, and I will look back and find that home is somewhere else.
EXCEPT that I don't really belong to this place! Jesus has blessed me with a place to live and surrounded me with people who love me and that I love, but this is not my home. My home is with Him, in a place where once I enter into, I will never ever want to leave. And so, in this foggy season of my life where I wonder whether I am getting any closer, I know that, led by my Father and God, that I am getting closer to home. I will strive to journey with Him and be one with Him, until that day where my earthly home fades and His glory is made known in the place that He has prepared for me.
The other thing that struck me was how complacent and faithless I have become. I read my journal that I kept while in Haiti, and in the midst of the crisis around me, I penned "God is faithful, He provides." 26 times. How then, have I forgotten? Did their agony blind me to His faithfulness? This year I will be glad in knowing that we are in that hands of a God with purpose, that His plans are good, and His love is more enduring and filling than anything I could ever imagine. His ways are truly higher.
Just a closer walk with thee!!!
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