twiddling thumbs and the verb in love.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purposes”
ROMANS 8:28

I don't want to sit still. Not when there is a world crying out to be loved.
I want to be right on those battlelines, fighting for people's hearts, holding people as they cry or sharing in the things that make them smile. I want to be there as they find a reason to sing. I want to be an example of the love that Christ has for us, that He pours out, overflowing onto us.

"Why am I here"? has become a question that I wake up with and struggle to answer daily. I know God has a reason, but some days, I feel purposeless. When I have slowed down enough, my mind drifts off and I see the face of one of those beautiful kids smiling up at me, laughing when I kiss their cheeks and tickle their toes. My heart soars when I hear the echo of their laugh in my head or imagine the touch of their tiny hands. My heart breaks when I remember driving past the signs... "We need help... food, water, medicine... we're dying." I remember whizzing past the tent cities stretching as far as my eyes could see, blown away because there was no end to them. Every street lay in rubble, a shell of what used to be homes and stores and schools reduced to dust. Most of all, I remember seeing the people praising. Praying on the curbs. Singing on the street. Who could fathom that kind of hope in such a place?

College in the fall. 2 years where, instead of being able to step out and love the people that have inspired me, or set foot on the land that claimed my heart, I will be stuck inside four walls. I will be writing papers and studying for tests and stressing out about some grade.

I hope I don't lose sight of the fact that God has a purpose. That through furthering my education, He is equipping me to do His work in even bigger ways than I could have imagined. I am so grateful to have the kind of opportunity that I do, that even if I don't get to be on the frontlines now to know that God is still using me and equipping me so maybe one day in the future I can be.

God has given me this passion, and this heart, and I pray that it can be used for His glory. I love that He has opened my eyes to the brokenness in the world and broken my heart for it. For now, I pray that He'd remind me every day that there are people to love right in the city I am in. I can love the Haitians just as much as I do right now, and still seek to love every person I haven't yet met, and the people I already know.

I am praying for purpose.