questions without answers

There's nothing wrong with crying out to God in anguish,
because sometimes you know the answer
but you don't understand.

And sometimes there are no answers
and there is only silence
and you wonder whether God is listening at all.

There's nothing wrong with crying to God in pain,
for the things that break your heart break His too,
and sometimes He has the answer
you just aren't listening for it.
You don't want to hear it.

I've looked for answers, I've questioned God,
not because I don't trust He has a plan, but because sometimes I'm just not content with knowing. I want to understand. And tonight is one of those nights where I can't find the answers and I don't understand.

There are answers.
Not the ones we want to hear,
not the ones we understand
but answers.

Tonight, I am restless. Tonight, my heart is heavy. Tonight, my tears fall freely and unceasingly. And tonight, I want to understand. Tonight, I want the freedom to ask why.

Why do I have a roof over my head while countless millions are sleeping under sheets? Why do I get to take a shower in the morning behind a curtain, while millions must bathe in the streets in front of each other? Why is my family safe in their beds while so many have lost theirs in the most tragic of ways? Why don't I have to worry about my three meals a day when they struggle to have just one? Why was I born into a life of opportunity while they work their whole lives towards what I have taken for granted? Why do I have so much when they have so little?

And why, why is it that I am the one crying for them, while they praise God unashamed? How is it that they lift their voices to the Heavens and don't ask questions, they just believe!?

I have less understanding than I do knowledge. I have more questions than I have answers. And I have a bigger God than any of that. But tonight, I will cry and I will pray that one day, I might have faith like the Haitians do.